The Thai 'wai'

The surprising thing about Thailand is the number of unwritten rules which are deeply ingrained in the culture. One example of this is the ‘wai’.

According to wikipedia:

The Thai greeting referred to as the wai (Thai: ไหว้) consists of a slight bow, with the palms pressed together in a prayer-like fashion. The higher the hands are held in relation to the face, the more respect/reverence the giver of the wai is showing.

All that is true, but one could easily write a book the size of a small refrigerator on this topic. Although I haven’t been here long enough for that (and I have even been advised not wai anyone until I have lived in Thailand at least 6 months), I will try to prematurely summarize what I’ve figured out so far.

First, every foreigner will initially make the mistake of equating a wai with a hand-shake as a sign of respect and/or gratitude. A wai is more than a sign of respect, it is a sign of respect to someone of higher status. The person of lower status is supposed to wai first, and then the person of higher status can choose to wai in return. How status is determined initially is another book unto itself, but basically when Thai people meet each other they will ask each other a series of personal questions, such as:

• How old are you?
• Where do you work?
• How much money do you make?

The answers will determine status, how to address each other, and how they will treat each other. Sometimes they will dispense of the questions and assume status based on appearance. That’s why everyone hides from the sunlight and men grow a long fingernail on their pinky finger. Contrary to popular belief, it is not for nose picking. It is to demonstrate that a labourer or farmer (pretty well the lowest status aside from beggars) could not possibly keep a nail this long and this clean, therefore “don’t assume I am low status”.

Anyway, back to the wai, a sign of respect to someone of higher status. If I wai a Taxi driver to thank him, he may: forgive me as an ignorant foreigner at best, feel insulted, or become aggressive. To a Thai, it would be like seeing the CEO of your company kneel before your feet. The best way to thank a taxi driver or anyone considered lower status in their society is to wave or, even better, shake their hand. They will surely have a big smile and may even feel proud that you did. In general we can say: never wai someone first who is serving you.

There are four wai positions:

1. Hands above your head
2. The tips of your fingers near your forehead
3. The tips of your fingers under your chin
4. Hands at rib-cage level

The first is mainly for a person of any status towards the King. Or sometimes you will see beggars wai with their hands above their head because their status is so low.

The second is the safest for foreigners to use because you will generally be forgiven for wai’ing someone high who should be wai’ed lower (assuming you are wai'ing someone who should be wai'ed, like your boss or an authority figure). Always use this wai when greeting or dealing with the Thai police in order to show that you consider them higher status. They may not feel it because you are likely to earn more money, but they do know of course that they have authority over you.

The third should never be used by foreigners. An unintentional insult is too risky.

The fourth, if you choose to do it, should be used as a response only after first getting wai’ed at this level, I think.

As you might be able to tell now, this is just scratching the surface. Luckily there is a golden rule: when in doubt, just shake their hand!